The Return of the Nigerian Scammer!!

As promised, I responded to our mutual friend Khalil Maher from Pakistan (which is just another way of saying Nigeria on the Interwebs). If you decided not to click on the blue underlined "promised" above like good boys and girls, I'll fill you in. A scammer from Pakistan Nigeria emailed me a long, eloquent saga of financial woe, and desperately needs my help in transferring 480,000 Pounds into his account from Britain. The bank doesn't trust his account information, so he wants me to let him use my account as a go-between. If you still don't want to click the link, here's what he wrote:

I greet you to seek help. The bank advise for a reliable bank account from your country so that my funds could be transferred without stress of the ecb and your contact came to me after an intensive search. my name is Khalil Mohammed Maher, i live in Karachi Pakistan as a business man who deals on currency trading. My wife Shahira and our only kid?s a boy and a girl named Mohammed and Afiyah lost their lives in a fatal car accident September 29th last year when traveling to visit her relatives in a nearby town. after that great lost to my entire life, i decided to relocate by having a dwelling in UK, been impatient to leave and making plans on how to buy a house in UK, i unluckily met with one crook named Robert Stephens who based in UK and claimed on the web to be estate agent on built-up buildings. We made arrangement for a flat of 3 bed rooms in Cheshire Greater Manchester UK that he requested £480,000 pounds and instructed me to make a wire transfer of that sum to his account with Abbey National bank UK, which i obeyed. luckily for me after the transfer, the bank confirmed his account to be fraudulent and had been receiving fraudulent payments from numerous people, which made them seized all the money in his account then closed it. I made known to the bank i paid the £480,000 pounds that drew their attention to his account and even sent the payment facts for their confirmation to refund my money, which they confirmed and are willing to make a refund of the paid sum to me. please help me receive my money and transfer to me since the bank have said they cannot make a transfer of that sum to me in Pakistan based on the high security level of the European central bank. write to me via the below given email id if i can get help from you and you shall be rewarded with 5% after the refund. thanks and may God the almighty guide and bless you. K. M. Maher. khalilmohammedmaher @gmail.com

What he didn't realize was that he had found the Ruler of the Interwebs; and the Ruler wanted to have some fun. So, naturally, I played along. I registered for a new gmail address and wrote him
back (under a new name) the following:
Hi, My name is John Smith, and I see you have contacted me regarding your problems with the European Banks and the transfer of 480,000 pounds. I have read your moving story, and I have decided that I would like to speak with you about helping you out. I am a successful American Businessman, and I have many different bank accounts that I can provide to a worthy cause. Your story is unfortunately a common one; many of my close friends in less developed countries have run into similar problems with the banks so I know how you must feel right now. I would therefore like to help you in any way possible. Please contact me with more details. iclickonspam@gmail.com

Notice the three key words in there: Successful. American. Businessman. This guy's probably drooling all over his filthy Nigerian Internet cafe keyboard right now. Also, gotta love that gmail address. Needless to say, about a day later (probably the amount of time it takes for the gmail update to reach N
igeria), guess who's chomping at the bit:

Thank you very much for your quick response which I have sat to reason thoroughly about. Please get back to me with the below required information's to ensure that your help is of a good will and not to impair, and to enable me forward them to the bank in charge for the refund of my money via your end and then you shall be contacted promptly by the bank for a safe refund of my money. 1. Full Names 2. Age: 3. Tel: 4.Contact Address: Please do get back to me sooner for a safe refund of my money via your end in my favor and for a little favor to you as i have promised to release 5% for a trustworthy assistance from you. Thanks and may Allah the almighty bless and guide you for the concern, k.m. maher

And the rabbit hole gets deeper. Notice that he doesn't really ask for sensitive information at this point. His English may be questionable, but he sure knows how to run a basic scam. Now I've got to figure out how to respond. if I give him fake info, I won't be able to continue our little transaction. Enter Google Voice. My friend over at The Daily Harangue has already talked about it, so I won't bother here (yes, I'm telling you to click on the underlined words. Just do it already). I don't know what to do about the home address, and I will give him my fake "Full Names"; all of them. Anyone have any idea what to put as the address?

Once again, I'll keep you posted as I shamelessly play mind games with Khalil Maher from Pakistan, who is probably just a poor victim of his country's economic depravity. I have no sympathy, I have no regret. You don't mess with the Ruler of the Interwebs.


Namaps said...

Haha, I love this. I hope you can keep this up for at least a few more emails. I don't know what to recommend as far as the address goes. Perhaps something that's simply nonexistant? I doubt he'll be sending you any real mail, at least not at this point. I'm sure he could look into seing if the address is legit, but if "iclickonspam@gmail.com" got past him I don't think you have all to much to worry about.

Namaps said...

Oh man, I've been letting typos get past me left and right all day today...

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